The Grace Pace

This morning I noticed that I had several old entries in my drafts, so I wanted to clean it up. I came across this one and I’m not sure why I decided not to share it, but reading it again today has been such a blessing to me! I’ve weathered plenty of storms since I wrote this and the sunflower reminder has helped to pull me back in. I pray that this story helps you to find the beauty in the aftermath, as well. Enjoy!

I’ve been moody and I’ve yelled a lot. I broke the trash can out of frustration whenever the extremely overstuffed bag ripped while I was trying to take it out.. (Since I’m obviously the only one who saw it, ya know?)

The kids and dogs have all tried to stay out of the path of hurricane Mom and I can’t say I blame them one bit.

This morning, as I suited up to go check on the animals that the kids refuse to feed, I walked through the rain, yet again, and I felt overwhelmingly emotional as I reflected on how I thought this week would go. We’re well into our second month of Homeschooling and I’d mapped out a beautiful lesson plan for the kids to do together. I printed all the things, bought new books and supplies…all of it. I had a solid plan and I was prepared, so this just doesn’t feel fair. It feels like a giant waste of time!!

So I waded through the soaked, knee-high grass that cannot be mowed, over to the garden to check on the vegetables. Of course, that was a mistake, because we had so many plants down and rows of wasted tomatoes and peppers. My heart hurt even deeper. It felt like everything I’d been working so hard on for months, was destroyed by one stupid storm. It felt like nothing I had done even mattered! “What’s the point anymore?!”, I mumbled as I lobbed a squished tomato into the chicken coop. (They were ecstatic to get such a treat! )

Here in the south, we have had quite a month thanks to hurricane Laura. While we haven’t experienced near the impact that other states have, we have still felt the sting of fear because of the high winds and heavy rains, disappointment from canceled plans, days without power (and all that comes with that), flooded crops and muddy floors. Its been stressful, to say the least, and I’ve felt so much guilt for how I’ve handled it all, especially towards my kids. Especially because others have lost so much and my inconveniences seem trivial in comparison. “Ugh! I should be grateful.”

I made my way over to my once beautiful row of giant sunflowers and tried to stand them back up, but there was no hope. The ground is soup now. I rolled my eyes as I remembered a conversation I’d had just a few days ago with my husband. We pulled into the drive after being gone all day and I admitted that seeing those sunflowers peeking up brought me so much joy and actually made me feel proud of our little homestead. But….now they’re trashed too.

Man, negativity really is a dark cloud, isn’t it?

In the middle of my pity party, I heard a tiny voice behind me say, “Oh no, Mama!! Your pretty flowers!”. I turned around to share my disappointment with my scrawny boy who was now standing in the rain in nothing but his underoos.

I smiled.

He giggled.

I shook my head and looked back at my wasted flowers.

Then he said in his little southern Elmo voice, “Mama, you juss gotta cut those big-o flowers offa there and I can put em in a pretty vase for ya in the window!”.

And then I melted right into my rain boots as he ran to put his boots to help me. We cut those flowers and it still felt like such a waste to cut them like that, but he was swelling with pride! Grinning ear to ear. We made our way back into the house and he knew just where to find a vase for them.

He didn’t see a waste, he saw an opportunity to give me the greatest gift of all time! Now my favorite flowers are inside where we can see them all the time and it was his idea! He made me smile and he was beaming.

Now those flowers are sitting pretty in the kitchen window in a bittersweet display of aftermath. I realized that God was trying to talk to me all morning and show me that He makes beauty from ashes, but I was too busy feeling angry and cheated by circumstances completely out of my control.

I am so thankful for His redeeming love! Just like my tiny boy who still loves me after knocking him down throughout my own storm, God still loves me too! He sees my disappointments and frustrations, but instead of saying, “I see how poorly you’ve reacted and you haven’t even thought to pray about it.”…He showed me the beauty in the aftermath and He loves me through it. He gave me a new perspective and a tangible reminder that there was still beauty and He even used it to restore the joy with my family. He’s such a good Father!

Friends, don’t forget to see the beauty. You might just miss God speaking to you in a way that always brings peace to any circumstance.

Thanks for reading… 💕